It's been a few weeks since I've gone out to visit with Grandma. But I have been in contact with both her and my uncle. Sometimes family can be very overwhelming.
It's no secret that my Uncle enjoys the company of Beer and Wine on the weekends but some weekends his little friends play mind tricks on him. When you are an 83 year old woman it becomes very easy to quickly ignore and disregard the antics of a drunk. The only downside to this is that as the "next of Kin" I am blessed with random phone calls causing me to become the mediator for both of them.
This all began around the middle of October. Something I was completely unaware of, but soon was thrust right in the middle of it all. As it turns out Grandma needed to replace her fence dividing her property and the neighbors. Because she is a get it done type of woman she took care of it. This is not where the issue is. The Issue is that the fence then needed to be painted, and grandma thought it would be a great idea to pay her "tenant/friend" to do it since she is currently in between jobs. This seems logical to me until I learned the cost was $300 and that said tenant is not paying rent. Of course this is not a conversation to be had over the phone so I waited.
Then a couple weeks ago I got another frantic call... to spare the details I decided to make a trip out to see the family and figure everything out. Friday She had an appointment with the podiatrist so I would take care of everything all at once. Needless to say the Dr. visit was basically a less glamorous pedicure and the next time I go get one I will be taking Grandma so see if we can't relive some of this foot pain. After leaving UCLA we headed over to Subway for a quick lunch before she went to the beauty salon.
Once we had ordered our sandwiches and were seated I shuffled around trying to find the right words I needed to express. I finally began by saying a few things have been brought to my attention recently and I felt them important enough to discuss with her. She was a little surprised by the seriousness of my tone but listened to what I had to say. Once I began with the issue of the fence and lack of rent she became a little defensive, understandably. I calmed her by saying I knew exactly why she had done it that way but was also concerned that the price of $300 was a little steep for someone who doesn't regularly contribute to the household. She shot back at me with "if I needed it I would have asked her for it" but this is not the point at all. I do think the idea that this woman is trying to steal money from my grandma is ludicrous however, I did need her to understand my concerns. Any one given the opportunity will try to scam you for money even if it's not malicious. I am not currently in charge of my grandma's finances and she has made it very clear she will do as she see fit with her money, and I have been the recipient of assistance over the last few months since loosing my job last year, but I am family. I further addressed her relationship with my uncle because although he may be hard to live with sometimes his concerns come from a place of love. We also discussed her attitude of him when he does walk in on some nights intolerable. I asked her to try something "different" because if ignoring him isn't working it's time to turn the other cheek, and being the mediator between a 53 yr old and an 83 yr old is not the most exciting place to be for me and this conversation was one of the most unpleasant I'd ever had with her. And this isn't exactly how I liked to start my weekends.
I could tell she was really hearing what I was saying but was still being a little stubborn as to how she would interact with my uncle but at least I was able to open up the conversation. We have a way of just sweeping things under the rug and never addressing them. That is almost the exact reason why I created this blog, it's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger versus your own family.
Only time will tell how things transpire from here on out but I will be watching a little more closely her dealings with people so others know she is not just an old woman who lives alone.
It's no secret that my Uncle enjoys the company of Beer and Wine on the weekends but some weekends his little friends play mind tricks on him. When you are an 83 year old woman it becomes very easy to quickly ignore and disregard the antics of a drunk. The only downside to this is that as the "next of Kin" I am blessed with random phone calls causing me to become the mediator for both of them.
This all began around the middle of October. Something I was completely unaware of, but soon was thrust right in the middle of it all. As it turns out Grandma needed to replace her fence dividing her property and the neighbors. Because she is a get it done type of woman she took care of it. This is not where the issue is. The Issue is that the fence then needed to be painted, and grandma thought it would be a great idea to pay her "tenant/friend" to do it since she is currently in between jobs. This seems logical to me until I learned the cost was $300 and that said tenant is not paying rent. Of course this is not a conversation to be had over the phone so I waited.
Then a couple weeks ago I got another frantic call... to spare the details I decided to make a trip out to see the family and figure everything out. Friday She had an appointment with the podiatrist so I would take care of everything all at once. Needless to say the Dr. visit was basically a less glamorous pedicure and the next time I go get one I will be taking Grandma so see if we can't relive some of this foot pain. After leaving UCLA we headed over to Subway for a quick lunch before she went to the beauty salon.
Once we had ordered our sandwiches and were seated I shuffled around trying to find the right words I needed to express. I finally began by saying a few things have been brought to my attention recently and I felt them important enough to discuss with her. She was a little surprised by the seriousness of my tone but listened to what I had to say. Once I began with the issue of the fence and lack of rent she became a little defensive, understandably. I calmed her by saying I knew exactly why she had done it that way but was also concerned that the price of $300 was a little steep for someone who doesn't regularly contribute to the household. She shot back at me with "if I needed it I would have asked her for it" but this is not the point at all. I do think the idea that this woman is trying to steal money from my grandma is ludicrous however, I did need her to understand my concerns. Any one given the opportunity will try to scam you for money even if it's not malicious. I am not currently in charge of my grandma's finances and she has made it very clear she will do as she see fit with her money, and I have been the recipient of assistance over the last few months since loosing my job last year, but I am family. I further addressed her relationship with my uncle because although he may be hard to live with sometimes his concerns come from a place of love. We also discussed her attitude of him when he does walk in on some nights intolerable. I asked her to try something "different" because if ignoring him isn't working it's time to turn the other cheek, and being the mediator between a 53 yr old and an 83 yr old is not the most exciting place to be for me and this conversation was one of the most unpleasant I'd ever had with her. And this isn't exactly how I liked to start my weekends.
I could tell she was really hearing what I was saying but was still being a little stubborn as to how she would interact with my uncle but at least I was able to open up the conversation. We have a way of just sweeping things under the rug and never addressing them. That is almost the exact reason why I created this blog, it's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger versus your own family.
Only time will tell how things transpire from here on out but I will be watching a little more closely her dealings with people so others know she is not just an old woman who lives alone.
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