Confessions of a Granddaughter

Just another Day!

2012-01-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

January 23, 2012

It's another Monday time to pick up grandma and take her to the Hair Salon! Only Problem, it's raining...

I make my way toward grandma's house expecting her to tell me that she doesn't want to leave the house but when I call her she is actually rational and knows that this is the only day we have to get this done, and so she agrees. WOW I'm surprised!

Problem #1: she calls me back to ask me for her check book. A debate we've been having for the last month or so. Because I have taken over all finances and she is aware enough not to like that anymore. But as her history would show she can write checks but never mail them! So I will keep the check book.

Problem #2: Because it's cold and dark outside she is moving a little slow and her memory suffers a little more than usual. I have concerns that she may be over medicating when she does take her meds or she just doesn't take them at all...

Problem #3: As we try to leave she is looking for her plastic cap for her hair, we walk back to her bedroom and I turn on the lamp. She yells at me to not turn on the light because she can see enough (it's a lamp) so I ask what's the issue? She says the bill goes up!! Really!!! I say I hardly think turning the lamp on for 2 minutes will sky rocket your bill, you have the heaters on all day. LOL wow. She turns around to leave the room and I ask her did you find what you were looking for? She says no and it must be in the car already. This is her way of rationalizing she couldn't remember what she was looking for. I find the cap, Low and behold! right under the lamp...

Big sigh and we walk out the door and I can come back and clean up and organize the kitchen again...

The Stove is not a Heater!

2011-12-12T18:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just need a laugh...

How many of us as kids knew someone who used the stove burner to create warmth in the kitchen. I personally can remember my other grandmother putting a brick on the stove when it was cold yet somehow I never remember it being warm...

It doesn't happen often enough mostly because our weather is inconsistent but from time to time I have walked into Grandma's house to find the stove on. She doesn't cook anymore so there is no reason why the stove should be on. The first few times I just shut it off. But now as things progressively get worse with her memory I'm afraid of what could happen if the stove is left on and she falls asleep or the pilot light goes out. Now as an adult I know that there is not enough heat generated to warm an entire kitchen but grandma still has that old school mentally.

Today it's raining, I knew she would be extra cold and she would be unwilling to go out and I couldn't blame her I didn't want to be out there either. As soon as I opened the door I smelled gas, I went directly to the kitchen turned off the stove and looked around. She was in the bathroom getting ready, how long the stove had been on I will never know. I went about my daily routine in checking her mail, cleaning up and looking in her Fridge to see what she needed from the grocery store. When she was out of the bathroom she was complaining of feeling achy, "did you take your prednisone?" I asked she said No. I gave her the pills and then called in a refill because the bottle was empty. I also began questioning her about a folder I found on the table. Home Design? Oh no what could she possibly have gotten herself into now? She had no idea... She starred at the paper estimate trying to read the scribble but had no idea what any of it was. I called the number on the card to find out. She had signed a work order for exterior paint on the front porch for $2,750!!!! I immediately cancelled the work because there is no way we were just going to let anyone do work on the house. She still had no real memory of what was going to happen.

I left for the grocery store and CVS came back unloaded everything and then sat down to talk to her. I clearly stated that when I first walked in a few hours ago the house smelled or gas and it was of concern that she had left the stove on. She denied the whole thing. Well I continued someone did... and for safety reasons I am asking you to find a different way to get warm because the stove is only for cooking it is not a heater! She as always told me it kept her warm and that she would never put herself in any real danger because she's smarter than that... I pressed on that it was not a good idea and if she was cold she could use the blanket resting behind the exact chair she was sitting on. Now being the queen of excuses she assured me that she knew what she was doing and it was fine. I would not take that response. I continued with a story I heard on the news about people dying in there homes because they left the stove on over night and I was just looking out for her safety. And then I saw it, that devious look in her eye that tells me she is just going to tell me what I want to hear to get me off her back and once I'm gone she will do what ever she wants. So I called her out on it. She laughed SO hard that I had caught her. I told her she could not create a loop hole for this one. The stove is NOT a heater! I told her I would have neighbors come into the house and check in on her to make sure and if necessary I would buy child proof locks so she couldn't use it. This idea was very hilarious to her. Then She asked me, "What if I'm boiling water?" I asked her, "Are you making tea?" She laughed again and again I said if you are using the stove to cook something or making tea great but if you are not I don't care if you use a brick, a pot of water or and open flame THE STOVE IS NOT A HEATER.

I am not 100% positive she is going to listen to me but I will continue to make my case one day at a time.

You'll get used to it!

2011-11-26T14:53:00.000-08:00

My worst fear has arrived, and to think what sent it spiraling out of control was me leaving for 9 days.

It's not a surprise that we have come to this point but no one ever expected it to happen so suddenly. We have been watching her memory decline for about a year now, what was once just "forgetfulness due to aging" is now something so much worse and I find myself just as confused and worried as she is.

It was pretty clear to me over the summer that things with her memory were on a serious decline. I found myself repeating our plans more often, she would forget when we were coming over, she was more tired, she seemed to have more and more trouble concentrating during a conversation in person or over the phone. I kept bringing it up with the Doctors but seemed to be getting nowhere. Although we did make progress when the doctor seriously recommended she stop driving. I believe that sudden loss may have set this boulder into motion.

Fast Forward to October: The 5th she cancelled a Doctor appointment due to heavy rain. Not a huge deal except that it would have been my only chance to visit with her before my vacation. Even though I was talking to her on the phone every other day the idea of me leaving just wasn't sticking. Finally October 14th arrived and I called her as I was on my way to the airport, reminded her where I was going (Florida) and when I would be returning (Oct. 24), I reminded her I wrote it all down for her on her calendar and that I would be accessible via cell phone if she needed me and I would be sure to check in with her when I was all settled. I also let her know that I had scheduled an MRI appointment for her while I was gone and Everlyn would be taking her in my absence so we could make sure to have it done in time for our next visit with Dr. Davis. Everything seemed under control...

Saturday Morning my mom gets 2 frantic voice mails from her expressing great concern that I was flying to Italy all alone over the ocean. She wanted my mom to tell me to be extra careful and to only go to museums and universities to find groups to sight see with. My mom calmly informed her I was not in Italy but I was in Florida with my cousin and I was safe. I called her that night and tried to let her know I was fine and still in the U.S. She seemed very confused about the whole situation. I called her again the following day and only encountered more of the same. Constant reminders of the fact that I was in Florida not Italy, She had an MRI appointment coming up. Then came Tuesday, I opened my email only to find that she had cancelled it and that the day before she had gone to CVS and spent almost $400. I still see no evidence of what she purchased on that trip. I immediately called her to find out why she had cancelled the appointment. It was not raining, it wasn't too cold, and she had a ride. What was going on? She told me just had no way of getting there and that she just didn't feel like going. I could hear a different tone in her voice and I knew she wasn't connecting with the situation and was dead set that she would not be going to that MRI appointment. She was talking in circles and I couldn't keep it together. I had to accept what was happening and ask my mom to take over while I was gone because there was nothing I could do from 2000 miles away. I managed to get through the rest of my trip without much disturbance and my mom began to carry the load for the week. I was extremely grateful.

Oct. 24th not a moment too soon, it seemed as though she was counting the days until I would be coming home because she called me as I was boarding the airplane. I didn't take the call because we were about to take off but sent a quick email to my mom asking her to call her and let her know I would call her from Texas. She sounded confused, and disoriented and wasn't clear as to what she needed but just needed to hear my voice. By the time I got off the plane in Texas and finally back in California I had 5 messages from her. All the same just as lost, confused and disoriented.

Welcome Home...

It's about TIME!

2011-09-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time coming but today the ball was dropped, Grandma is no longer allowed to drive on her own.

Today we had another follow up with her general doctor and I was determined to leave with results. If it wasn't her driving it was gonna be about her memory. It's been almost 2 years since her knee surgery and almost 1 year since we got her tested at the Neuropsych center and I have not been satisfied with how these doctors have been handling all these changes.

Going back about a week I received an email from her tenant upstairs expressing some concerns about Grandma's health. Now she sees my Grandma everyday so she's gets a front row seat to the work that is Grandma.

This is what she wrote to me:

I'm writing to express my concern about your grandmother.

For the past few weeks, she's saying she's more and more tired during the days, and it's getting worse and worse.

For instance, today, she got up, went to the bathroom, came out after about an hour and complained that she was tired. Then she ate something and took her pills, sat for a bit, then again said she was tired. I had to help her up from the couch after she had sat for a couple hours.

Just a small walk to the washing machines outside seems to wipe her out. And (unlike her) she's been dozing off on the couch during the day without meaning to.

I mentioned this to her and of course she pooh poohed me. I told her I would be contacting you to suggest at least a call to the doctor to see if there's reason to be concerned. It is possible that this is a result of her starting to take the "memory" medication in the past couple weeks?

Anyhow, I thought you should know so that you can at least address it with her.

And so I thank her and let her know I've been aware of a few of these changes and I would address them with the doctor this week. In her next response she also lets me know that the week before she attempted to drive herself to church and never made it. She got in the car got on the freeway and just couldn't make it to church. I now have all this information and I will get results from the doctor I say.

Finally it's show time! Thursday night I do my usual reminder call about the appointment and when she can expect me, to which she "already knows" and is glad I remembered, and we say our goodbyes.

I arrived and she is ready... for the most part. she has already had her breakfast but will be fixing herself a snack for the car ride there and I would like to leave at 12:15 because she needs the extra time to walk from the parking garage up to the 4th floor. I don't dare drop her off again because she took a trip up and down the elevator the last time.

Once in with the Doctor she tells him she's fine, a little tired, has some pain but nothing she can't handle... same old speech, which is why we get nowhere in these visits! Finally he asks me if there's anything I'd like to add. So I list my concerns, about the driving, the missed medications, lack of movement and her increasingly deteriorating memory. Within minutes of a conversation she can't tell you what was said. And so he listens and then he says to her "I'm going to have to make a recommendation for you to no longer get behind the wheel" "no more driving" I completely understand that this is the MOST devastating news she could get in her life right now because this is the end of her independence but it has to be done. I don't want to wait for that call one day letting me know that there has been an accident and that she could've caused it because she became disoriented while driving.

She fought back for a while asking why and rationalizing her "self-awareness" and thankfully the Doctor stuck to his guns and told her he was required to report things like this if he felt she could be a danger to herself or others. I think she finally agreed. At least for the moment.

Once we left and were on our way to (can you guess?) The Sizzler... you know that place where I can walk around and pick my own food... As we sat in traffic making small talk she must have asked me about 3 times are we going to eat? Where are we going? Are we stopping for food? Even as we were sitting at the intersection right across from The Sizzler she asked again "Where are we going"? I had to ask her, Where are we? just to see if she would recognize her surroundings. Finally she saw the Sizzler and got very excited.

Now that Sizzler has the automated Kiosks it makes things so much faster! I love it! We order and get our table. She fills up her salad bar plate first because I already know it's gonna take her forever to finish it and she can start first then I can serve myself. I was able to serve eat, and eat my entree all before she was even finished with her first salad bar plate, nothing new.

Then the comedy starts! She's all done, we've packed her entree untouched in a to go box have a little ice cream and then she sees a fruit bowl! Now she decides she wants to take some home... but you can't pack salad bar items to go... I sit there with a blank look on my face because she has fruit at home. We can stop to buy fruit but she has to have THAT ONE! I tell she's technically not supposed to do it but as an old lady she can do whatever she wants! 30 EXTRA Minutes she sat there contemplating how she was gonna get this fruit, until she finally remembers what she's gonna ask the waiter and he brings her a new plate for the fruit she cannot take home... The plate is warm... "I don't want to put cold Melon on a warm plate!" I just about fell out of my chair laughing! She finally got the fruit, ate a couple pieces and managed to fit it into her to go box and we left. 2 and a half hours later!! I could've had a completely new meal in that time.

My oh my what am I to do!!

The laughter continues...

Progress

2011-09-07T00:39:00.000-07:00

Progress feels GREAT! It's very small progress but at least we are moving forward...

It's been a few weeks since I had gone out to see grandma, and even longer since I just popped in for a visit without a Dr. appointment or some other type of event. I decided to go out to her house and just hang out and check in with her. Check on her Meds, check on her bills, and the other general maintenance around the house and in her head...

I arrived at about 2pm after discussing this with her the night before I was surprised yet again by the fact that she wasn't put together. She was wearing a lime green men's shirt as she always does but without her bra on, this means that she isn't feeling well. The last 2 times I had reason to worry about her she was dressed very similar. The no bra is significant because she wears prosthetic implants due to the 2 mastectomy's so it makes her appear very small and fragile. With this being said I began my normal roll questions, how are you? How are you feeling? What have you eaten today? Then only to hear the lady upstairs remind her about her Meds. At 2:00 pm she hadn't taken any of her medications... well it's a wonder why she was so off. She got up and took them.

I immediately began sifting through the boxes and books and papers on the kitchen table and chair so I could just find a place to sit. Vitamins, Magazines, articles, donation requests and Books, Books, Books! I moved filed and threw away as much as I could before she could even notice. I found bills that had been buried under all the junk and had her write out the checks while I was there, stamped and sealed them to make sure they went out. I had finally remembered to bring over the paperwork for "Big River" which is a plot of land she owns on the CA/AZ boarder. $500 to terminate they say for land no one uses... ok... but it's finally done!

To top off the night we used her Gift Card to Red Lobster! By this time all the pills had kicked in and she was looking and feeling as "normal" as she could. Dinner is always a fun experience because she eats so little! We decided to share a plate but with the bread and the side salad before dinner came she was already full! I split the lobster, shrimp & scallops and she still had a whole meal to take home!

Another day in the books with grandma... now to make our next to do list.

Happy Birthday Celebration!

2011-08-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

This last weekend the Howard clan got together to celebrate Uncle T's and Marques' Birthday and what's a special occasion without some special stories?

Grandma did not disappoint. Two weeks ago the last time I saw them we had made a plan to have dinner to celebrate these birthdays. This week we narrowed down the actual time and come Saturday Morning we had a conversation about the time yet again. Things seemed to be going well with grandma, she remembered what was happening and when it was happening. Great! I thought to myself.

So I set out on my day running errands before I had to head out to West LA. As I was sitting in the nail salon which is half way to grandma's house I get a phone call from her letting me know she wasn't feeling too well and wasn't up to going out. When I asked what was bothering her she said it was her stomach but couldn't really put a name to what exactly was bothering her. So I gently let her know I was already headed in her direction so we would just see how things were and maybe just have dinner at home. She agreed and I went about my afternoon.

Once I finally arrived I found her sitting in the living room, I sat next to her and asked her again how she was feeling and she just said she was tired, and sore. Her "Stomach" seemed to be the least of her worries. She seemed a little insistent about not wanting to go to dinner but yet was very hungry and wanted us to bring her back something. I had to let her know it would be about 2 hours before we would be back so she might as well come with us if she wanted to eat. After a few minutes she managed to get herself together and we headed out the door.

Dinner itself was great! Lucilles was a great option and everyone was happy. After dinner as we were headed I thought to ask her again how she was feeling. She very calmly replied oh yeah I'm fine. So I asked how's your stomach? She said oh that's fine, why would you ask me that? I reminded her of what she had told me earlier, she then replies oh well that's just something I deal with and it's fine. I then reminded her how she had tried to cancel dinner because of this supposed stomach pain. She suddenly had no idea what I was talking about...

I am so puzzled by this situation with grandma... It seems that every time I bring it up with a doctor they just push it off or if I express concern with her she knows something is wrong but can't focus long enough to actually know how to handle it. And so the saga continues...

I'm an Old Maid!

2011-08-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

Now that we are finally in the car on our way to UCLA sitting in Traffic at 10:45 am for NO apparent reason, I begin my usual round of questions about how she's been feeling so I can compare that to what she tells the Dr. It's all more of the same, her shoulder, her knee, her wrist, but it's all pain she's used to so she just ignores it... but we still go to the Dr. every 2 months. I also take this time to inquire about all the notes I see on her Kitchen table this week, Cancel Reverse Mortgage... So I ask her why she wants to do this. I guess she's been thinking about the future and what will happen to the house and where my uncle will live and what all that entails. I am not familiar enough to know how this effects us but I guess we should learn about it.

This conversation then triggers a memory of when my dad and uncle were kids and she used to give them a $10 allowance and they had to learn how to budget their money for what they wanted to buy. She went on and on about how much fun this was and how much they looked forward it and how good my uncle is with his money now. Then in a very matter of fact tone she says to me... "it's a shame you won't ever know what that feels like"... It was like a slow smack in the face, I didn't see it coming till her hand was on my cheek. I was thinking it was a slam on how I manage my money, which would be a lie because I am very good with the little money I do have. So I have to ask "WHY won't I know what this feels like"? She responds, "because you won't have any kids" again in a tone that I have no idea what to do with. The conversation continues as I have to ask "AND... WHY... won't I be having any kids"? Taking great offense! Now she tells me because I don't seem to want them and I'm not getting any younger... This is the time that I ever so gently remind her that I am only 28 yrs old... the SAME age she was when my dad was born and that she was 30 yrs old when my uncle was born so in my book I am way ok!

She then asks me "well do you want kids?" Yes, I say eventually. But I would like to have a steady income, move out of my moms house and possibly, just maybe a husband... This then cycles into a whole conversation about how I'm so behind because I don't have a BF or "donor" so then I have to tell her that I do, but I typically don't start my relationships with Hi, wanna have babies with me? Luckily for me her phone rang and the conversation ended.

Once we finally arrive at UCLA I tell her I'm gonna drop her off in the front so she can walk up and I can go park the car. I tell her the 3rd floor and she just has to walk out to the right and she's in the Dr.'s office. Simple... Right...

I park the car run up to the office and she's not there... I ask the front desk if she checked in and they say no. So I mildly panic turn around and walk back to the elevator and there she is. She was going up and down because she didn't know where the 3rd floor was. The appointment went as usual and as we go to check out and schedule her next appointment for October. There is a back and forth conversation about what dates going to work between my work & vacation and the guy asks me how old I will be, when I say 29 they are both left with their jaws open. This to which I say yep! and grandma thinks I'm an old maid! They laugh and the lady tells grandma, she's still young, there's no hurry!

Oh the adventures we have...

What's the Price of Bread?

2011-08-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

Fast Forwarding now to yesterday; August 10.

Grandma had a follow up Dr. appointment so it was back to the norm. I get to her house at 10:20am for her 11am apt. but we still left 20 minutes later. So now we are late for the appointment of course. What she's doing from the time I get there to the second we step out the door I have no idea but it always gives me time to go through her mail & bills. I also get the opportunity to throw out all the crap that's been stacking up. While I'm looking through all this her tenant comes downstairs and we start talking. I was asking what the Sierra Club was and WHY on earth my 84 yr old grandma is still paying for a membership? She shakes her head and tells me a great story:

A few days ago she was going to CVS so she asked my grandma if she needed anything, she walked away and came back and my grandma handed her a shopping list, 2 items, bread & milk and attached $3... for Milk & Bread. She looks over at grandma and says $3 is not enough for both... to this my grandma says well how much is milk? around $2.99 she tells her, & bread at least $3 - $4. This sends her into a tailspin! No it's NOT she says! bread is only $0.69!! LOL Really? She says. She goes to CVS and brings her back the receipt showing that Milk was $2.99 & the bread she wanted $3.99 and grandma tells her, Well that's not the Bread I wanted... the same loaf she has sitting on the counter priced at $3.99... I couldn't help but laugh. Her Memories are all jumbled and if I was her I would want the price of bread to be $0.69 too!

We finally leave the house and that's where the REAL gems come in!

Grandma Goes to SHAKEY'S!!

2011-08-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since my last post but there was really nothing worth writing about because it's all just more of the same. Grandma's still in pain, we go to the Dr. and they ask the same questions but every once in awhile we get a blood test or an X-ray. Either way it's just pain she's going to have to deal with for the rest of her life.

Here are the Funny Bits of the last couple visits!

About 2 weeks ago I came up with a Great Idea! I've been listening to theprettygoodpodcast.com and they have been talking about Shakey's for WEEKS, so I decided I needed to go back and get my PCM on!! I finally got a weekday off, so I called grandma and told her I was coming over on Wednesday and we were going to Shakey's. She of course had no idea what I was talking about but she was excited to try something new! Wednesday finally rolls around and I head out to grandma's to get us some Shakey's. She was excited to see me, she remembered I was coming, but didn't remember where we were going and why, Hey 2 out of 3 ain't bad I guess.

We arrive at Shakey's for some Bunch a Lunch and We are excited! Well maybe I was a little more excited then she was but for $7.99 that's a Buffet worth taking grandma too. Because Grandma has become OBSESSED with not gaining weight she serves herself a slice of pizza, a piece of chicken, veggies, and mashed potatoes and I think some salad, just for good measure.

Meanwhile as I go to sit at our table I look around only to see Randy Wang! The person who has been talking about this for weeks and the entire reason I decided to take grandma. I was able to say Hello and I was so excited, but grandma was still at the Buffet so she had NO idea what I was talking about when I told her. Oh well, I was excited!

She loved the Bunch a Lunch! Especially the S'mores Pizza!

Armandito the Great!

2011-06-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

On a lighter note, I did have one Amazing Grandfather and His name was Armando Valdivia!

Daddy Mando

When I think back to my childhood I owe much who I am today to him. He took me to school from my days at Head start at the Sunal Center through middle school and up through my Senior year of High School. He was the Father I needed when My dad couldn't be. Even when I was in the 6th grade and was completely embarrassed by the fact that I was the only one who had a parent still coming to pick them up inside the school and I had to ask him to wait for me outside, I was happy he was there.

He taught me how hammer a nail and how to rebuild my El Camino when I wrecked it. He taught me how to drive when my mother was to chicken to get in the car with me. He carried me around the house after both of my surgeries at 5 and 14 and he loved to fight with me about what to watch on TV. He would make up silly songs for me in the morning because I was always running late for school, or just because lumbrisa rhymed with Marissa...

Marissa Marissa, Marissa Lumbrisa...

He was the best!

I miss you everyday!

Memories of my grandfather(s)

2011-06-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

On this Father's day I've been doing a lot of thinking about my Grandfather... Not my mother's father because my memory bank is filled with memories of my childhood adventures but my Father's Father.

Normand Thomas Howard is My Grandfather, I never knew him

He may have not been the best father and I'm sure he if I asked my uncle about him he would have a few choice words to say to describe the type of father he was or lack there of... My Grandmother raised my Dad and Uncle alone when they were just teenagers. Before my Dad passed he and I had a conversation about him wanting to locate his father, so he asked me to do some research on the Internet. I discovered then that he had passed away in 1978. 4 years before I was born. My Dad had no idea. For the last 9 years I've never really given it a second thought until this year. The sudden curiosity just over took me so I decided to see what else I could find. I registered with ancestry.com to see what I could dig up and I was a little surprised by what I found.

Grandma with husband

I was able to find his Death Registration and discovered he died in March 1978 in Roseburg, Douglas, Oregon. He had a new wife and her name is Wilma. He is buried at Roseburg National Cemetery and Served in the Navy in 1946.

This is all new information for me and I wish my Dad was hear so we could talk about it. I am curious to know if he had other children and where they live. Do they know about my Grandma and the family he had here? Do I want to find them?

I know I can't bring him up to my uncle because he wants nothing to do with him, grandma doesn't really care and I don't really expect her too. So I'm just left wondering what to do with this information. Should I care about a man who didn't care about his family?

Grandfather

In this search I also discovered my brother had never even seen a picture of the man who created our father and he had no knowledge of what he even looked like or his name. So in memory of our father, should we together, walk through this window of our family history? After all without him we Howards would never have existed...

All sorts of confusion!

2011-06-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks and things around grandma's house have been pretty stable. Although I am confused as to what is really going on with her. If you remember not but 2 months ago she was complaining of all sorts of pain, her shoulder, her wrist and her knee... Now She's suddenly "feeling better"???

Is it the prednisone finally working? Is it the sunny weather? Is she just making up stories? Or has she just forgotten the pain (good thing?)

May 13th: We had an appointment with her Regular doctor and she must have been having an off day, everything hurt but she couldn't remember what meds she needed and why she was taking them. I told the Doctor about how she had gotten lost earlier in the week while driving and he had a pretty good conversation about not driving anymore and maybe in the future considering Assisted Living. She seemed to listen and the reality of things seemed to sink in because we had a conversation about it once we left. How do you clip her wings is the question I've been faced with now! I don't want her driving around but I can't be there every day to run her errands...

June 1st: We had a follow up appointment with her rheumatologist, I called her Tuesday night to remind her which she had forgotten because she hadn't seen the June page in the Calendar. Understandable. Then I showed up in the morning and she had forgotten again! This time at least she was ready and just had to change her shoes... In the car I asked her about her medications, her pain the general to get an idea of what was going on. She told me she's just always in pain but it's manageable and yes she had already had her pills with breakfast. Once we got to the Doctors office and the nurse was checking her in, she asked her where is your pain today? Her Wrist: 9, Her Shoulder: a 6 or 7. Then we saw the doctor... suddenly she had no pain... I have to give these Doctors some credit, they have excellent bedside manner and they are very good at navigating around her "stories". Needless to say something must be working... and we have a follow up in 2 months...

THIS IS ODD:
Grandma's Book: She must have about 100 books sitting in the living room that she has NOT read... and she gets 5 new books every month... but stopping the subscription seems ODD to her...

Grocery Shopping: buying frozen food seems reasonable, unless your freezer is TOO full because you aren't eating what you have...

Comment: Your Grandfather is not alive right? Yes, 10 years ago... she went to the funeral... Weird because this is now the 3rd dead person she has asked about... call me superstitious but WHY is she thinking about dead people?

What to do, what to do!?

Death and Taxes

2011-04-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Tax Day was April 18th this year! 3 extra days to ask for an extension...?

This year I tried to be proactive and began asking grandma about her taxes in February. Every time I asked her she would answer in the same way, "oh yeah, I was thinking about that this morning" and "it shouldn't be that hard, it's the same as last year" I would ask her if she needed help with it or was she going to take it down to the Senior Center and have them do it for her as she had in the years past. Yes, most likely was usually the answer to that question.

Fast forward to April 11, 2011 I get an email from the woman upstairs letting me know that grandma has yet to file her taxes and with things the way they have been with her memory I should step in immediately to make sure they get done. Also, seems like there was nothing filed for 2009! I stopped to think for a minute and then came to the realization that of course her taxes weren't filed for 2009 she had knee surgery and was pretty much out of commission and her taxes weren't even on my radar last year! Even though I seem to remember her driving herself to the senior center for her b-day but my memory may be off...

Sunday, April 17, 2011 I decided to drive out to grandma's house and surprise her because I had been calling her every other day to plant the seed her her head that this needed to get done, and everyday "oh yes, I was thinking about that just this morning..." I got to the house not really knowing the mess I was walking into and if I was going to be able to find what I was looking for. Turns out YES! It' took about 20 minutes to filter through some paper piles in her office but then I found a bright yellow folder titled TAXES. In there I found information for both 2009 and 2010. You can imagine my excitement. I showed it to her and we discovered that she had the sense to file for and extension in 2009 but apparently never got around to actually filing or paying. I took all this information to my tax guy and try to get this situation taken care of.

For 2010 grandma owes federal taxes not something I would be happy about but apparently she owes every year. I sent her the vouchers with the amount owed and asked the woman upstairs to print them for her and make sure she wrote the checks. I also called her to explain that this needed to be done today, Monday! Later that afternoon I got another email letting me know that she "is tired of all this" she didn't want to pay the taxes and had asked what could happen if she just didn't pay them. OH BOY!

I called her and explained that she could make smaller payments so it didn't feel so overwhelming all at once. I haven't checked back in with her since Monday but I'm almost positive the thought has left her mind and she never wrote the checks.

So what do I do now? She owes 2009 taxes also. What if she just doesn't pay?

Grandma Turns 84!

2011-04-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Last Friday Grandma turned 84, How Exciting!!

I had been struggling for weeks as to how to make this day special for her and somewhat memorable even for her. The Kindle was out, clothes is out, shoes would be a good idea but complicated, so I eventually decided on something most women do regularly and probably take for granted, Mani/Pedi's!! She has never been to a nail salon and since she has been complaining how much her feet hurt I thought this would be a nice way to pamper her.

We started the day with lunch at Lucille's BBQ where she had the fried Catfish. I guess when your 84 you should be allowed a certain about of "grouchy-ness" but she just didn't have anything exciting to say until the food came. Thankfully we were joined by one of my friends and her baby so she was distracted by all the warm and fuzzy! Lucky Me! I had told her earlier we would be going to to the salon but of course she had already forgotten and didn't seem as excited as I was. Once we got to the salon we got her all set up for a Spa Pedicure. The issue with grandma's toes is special. I'm not really sure why they are causing her so much pain but I'm not sure the pedicure was as relaxing as I wanted it to be for her. The first half was rough because this was the first time someone else had ever touched her feet and they are sensitive. It seemed to end OK and I think if we got at least once a month it'll actually start to feel better. She got her Manicure and that seemed to be a better experience. Because I was getting a full set she had to wait a little while, this didn't seem to be an issue because when I looked back at her she was snacking with the other ladies!! Only My Grandma!

Not until this past Sunday when I commented on her manicure did she actually thank me for taking her and then she said she would like to do it once a month. So COOL! That's something I can do!

Uncertainty...

A little happier

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Grandma Tries a Food Truck!

2011-03-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

With all that's been going on the last few months I decided to give grandma a little break.

We did have to go see the Rheumatologist yesterday but after that I decided it would be fun to stock some food trucks! The appointment went about as well as could be expected, she's still in pain, she's not happy with the wrist splint, She's trying to ignore the pain, exercise helps... She never really answers the doctors questions which I keep telling her isn't helping him to help her, but maybe one day it'll stick.

She ended up getting a steroid shot in her shoulder in the hopes that it could alleviate some of her pain... we shall see about that. She was very hesitant to get the shot which I found a little odd but she finally gave it and seemed to be happy with the decision. We were given a few new directions and options to consider so we'll see what happens in 9 weeks.

Grandma thinks every time my phone makes a sound it's a phone call or a text.

On the way to UCLA my phone was making noises, alerts about pending words with friends games, my artichokes were ready, Living Social coupons, etc. She laughed every time and asked what's that? Then while sitting in the waiting area for the Dr. I began checking everything while she read her book. In the Dr.'s office I had begun to stock the Grilled Cheese Truck. For the first time ever they were in an area I was in!! I immediately became excited and started searching for directions to the location. She glanced down at me when the Dr. stepped out of the room and asked "who are you texting?" I looked at her and said I'm not texting! I'm looking for directions. "to what?" she asked, for food! was my answer. I laughed and the Dr. came back in and gave her the shot.

The Trip to Overland/Washington in Culver City was an interesting one. We were both getting pretty hungry and I had no idea of how to get to where the trucks were but I had a general idea of where I needed to end up. As of recently grandma's ability to remember where things are has been unreliable so when she was trying to navigate me I kindly told her I would take the freeway and exit overland and follow the map. We got there no problem only I made a right first and not a left so I had to make a U-turn. By this time she was like, "they aren't here! there's a Subway stop there!" But they were there! Just behind a building. I was excited to share this experience with her and she wanted a Tuna Sandwich! I was trying to explain to her what these trucks were all about but she wasn't understanding. Once we parked and went to look at the menus I could see she was a little overwhelmed but she eventually decided to try the Hawaiian Truck and get the Papaya teriyaki chicken. I went and stood in line for the grilled cheese truck and she went to eat her food. She also decided she wanted to try a smoothie from the Mambo Juice Truck and she was very excited! She enjoyed the chicken very much and loved the Kimchi it came with too! :) In line I even tried to explain to her what a Loco Moco was, she didn't see the appeal.

All in all it was a good day! Next week is Grandma's bday!

At least I don't have Wrinkles!

2011-03-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

If you haven't noticed, Grandma downplays EVERYTHING!

Nothing is ever that serious, it's nothing she can't try to ignore... and yet she loves to complain about it. I guess that is human nature, we all love to be heard.

Friday night: 3/18/11: I got several calls from my uncle demanding I call him back and of course I was at work so it was about an hour later that I was able to call and discover they had had a fall. Turns out they walked to the corner to go see a fallen tree and as they were walking back to the house and up the stairs my Uncle lost his balance fell backwards, and on his way down managed to bump grandma and take her down with him! She managed not to hit her head but her face and shoulder. By the time I called he was frantic and she was trying to calm him down and not complain too much because he was already beside himself! Crazy. She told me she was fine she was icing her face and she didn't hurt anything else. I called her again Sunday asked how she was doing, I asked about the black eye and she said "it's not a black eye, more of a pink eye" not having seen her I couldn't picture what she was talking about so I didn't push further. Monday when I went over she has a full blown Black eye!! Her eyeball is red I guess a blood vessel in her eye burst, and yes in fact she has a Black eye! She laughed it off and said it's not that bad. I asked her if this was her first black eye at 83 years old and she said NO... I was shocked. I've never had a black eye before, but apparently grandma was a "tomboy" and managed to get a black eye at least once before in her lifetime. No thank you! I am about as girlie girl as your gonna get.

Monday 3/21/11: It's time to get a wrist splint!

Because of her ever growing Lymphedema (swelling) in her right arm she has alot of issues with movement and pain. It was finally recommended to us she get a wrist splint to alleviate some of this pain. Shopping for a splint is almost as fun as shopping for school shoes! There are SO many to choose from but of course she wants something that won't get wet when she washes her hands or does the dishes, she wants a short one, she wants a wrist band.... Does any of this exist? YES, oh yes it does. We finally found one that met all her criteria so lets see how she does with it.

Once we left UCLA we were gonna do 3 things, Lunch, Barnes & Noble, & the bank... She was Hungry of course so the focus was gone. But I thought I had it all under control. We'll drive to the grove because that's where the bookstore is, and they have food there, on the way home we'll stop at the bank... Wrong! On our way to the Grove she saw a bank, remembered she needed to stop there but I was in the wrong lane, how was I gonna get to it from here? I told her I didn't plan on stopping there first, to which she replied "Well how are we gonna pay for lunch with out cash?" Well there is always the debt card, but never mind I went forward made a U-turn and pulled into the bank. Now the kicker is she doesn't have her account number or her PIN number... how did she think she was gonna get her money? We had her debit card and we were gonna talk to a banker but the wait was too long and she was HUNGRY. We left the bank to find food also discovering she had plenty of cash in her wallet.

Johnny Rockets! There is a Johnny Rockets at the Grove so that's where I took her. She'd never been so I thought it would be a fun change. She loved it and even got herself a strawberry shake! In the picture you can see her enjoying her shake, see her splint and have a glimpse of her black eye. Of course when we left the Grove we didn't go to the bookstore, we decided on something else for her bday, and she didn't want to go back to the bank.

this crazy woman!

Later once we were home talking she said to me "well I'm really Lucky, At least I don't have Wrinkles" some people aren't as lucky! Gotta love her!

Remembering Daddy Mando

2011-03-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

In other Granddaughter related news: Today marks the 10th anniversary of the passing of my Grandfather, DADDY MANDO.

Armandito the Great as he called himself, was the best grandfather a girl could ever have! He took me to school from my days at head start straight through until my Senior year of High School. I believe he wanted to go with me to College but it was time for me to fly on my own.

I was lucky enough to be raised by both him and my Mama Chusie, and I was able to travel every summer with them. I've been to Mexico, and New York/New Jersey, New Mexico and Colorado because of him. Even though each trip had some adventurous misfortune when I share my stories I can't help but laugh.

Like the year we spent a month in Mexico and I was attacked by Mosquito's and caught the flu, we drove to Texas, tried to see a Dr. but they wouldn't admit me. We drove to a friends house where I threw up ALL over the couch. Then he drove all night to get me home to my mom. I think I was about 7 yrs old. Oh the Drama of it all!

Then there was the time we drove to ValleHermoso, Mx to visit his older sister. We decided to go to the beach, and he wanted to take the El Camino on the sand... Bad idea. Luckily there were about 10 other genious' that had the same idea, they all helped each other. Meanwhile, My mom took us kids down to the water and we ate avocado sandwiches. Let's not forget the trauma of seeing ginormous cockroaches with wings mating on the wall, oh and tricking him into leaving a day early because we had had about enough!

When I was 17 I started driving. I had asked to have the El Camino. He gave it to me and within 6 months I wrecked it! We rebuilt it together. He stood over the hood yelling at me underneath the car trying to get the radiator back in. It was a proud moment for me. Also a time where he told me I wasn't as dumb as I looked... Words of love from a grandfather...

These are just a few of my happy memories and I'm glad I was able to share them with him.

Armando Valdivia
Rest in Peace

Love you always, Marissa Lumbrisa!

Maybe I'm loosing my Mind!

2011-03-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's ME!! Maybe grandma is FINE, maybe this is all just normal behavior...

Or maybe it's not...

Last week I was discussing my grandma's recent behavior with a couple of Dr's I came into contact with. One was a Neurologist and the other was a psychologist, both agree that each story was "abnormal" definitely more than just "forgetfulness do to old age" but what exactly it's hard to say. I was directed to find the Dementia Center at UCLA and demand further testing on grandma, deeper than what they did back in December. I was also questioned about her Blood Sugar/ Diabetes. We do not have a history of Diabetes in our family so her blood sugar is not regularly tested but after certain symptoms a severe drop in blood sugar can effect memory and cause confusion which could maybe be an explanation for the confusion of where she lived and that my other Grandmother had passed away 19 years ago.

Thursday 3/7/11: I made a call to grandma to talk to her about buying a blood sugar at home testing kit. It took about 20 min of back and forth conversation trying to explain why I was so interested in her blood sugar and why I needed her to test it ASAP. Since she goes out on Friday's to do her hair she agreed to stop by CVS and pick up the device.

Friday 3/8/11: I called her to check to see if she had been successful... She went to go do her hair. That was all. CVS had left her brain all together even though she had written herself a note. And again we went back and forth as to why I wanted to test this theory. "I don't have Diabetes" she tells me, "I know" I say, But I'm testing a theory grandma... after another few minutes she "understands" and writes down another set of directions and we hang up. This time I'm not taking any chances so I call the tenant that lives upstairs. We talk for awhile and I ask her to please take her, or make sure she gets this device. She says she will go talk to grandma and we leave it at that. This is also the day that my Uncle calls me to inform me that grandma has decided she wants a Kindle for her upcoming B-day! More on that later.

Saturday 3/9/11: 11:30am I gave grandma a call because she was supposed to call me at 11. I followed up on what we talked about on Friday night, but again the recollection of needing to go to CVS was forgotten. This now marks the 3rd day I have had the exact same conversation with her.

Sunday 3/10/11: I actually didn't have to work this day, I should've gone out to grandma's house but I was so exhausted by everything I decided to take a ME day at Disneyland. I called grandma when I got home because she is usually busy on Sunday's with Church and lunch etc. yet again NO blood sugar device purchased. Again, I explained her her why I was interested and why I needed her buy this machine. Again, she wrote it down... We did also talk about her eating first thing in the morning before she started getting ready for her day, we shall see if that stuck.

Monday 3/11/11: grandma was supposed to call me after she bought the device... NO CALL

Tuesday 3/12/11 I will be calling her tonight to remind her we have 2 appointments tomorrow and I will be bringing a device with me. The only problem is I need her to actually do it after I leave.

I feel like a dog chasing my tail... So yes, Maybe I'm the one loosing my Mind!!

Bumpy Road!

2011-03-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

This is gonna be a long and bumpy road!

Ever since last Wednesday I have been in a tail spin about how to handle what is happening with my grandma...

Last Tuesday afternoon I got a "reminder" call from grandma reminding ME about her 2 appointments on Wednesday. We once again agreed on a time and left it for another day. Come Wednesday morning I showed up at her house at 5 after 10am. The wooden door was locked so I had to knock, she came to the door in her robe! As I walked in she exclaimed "What a surprise!" I laughed and looked at her like What a surprise? She then asked me "Did we have something to do today?" Remember, SHE called me the day before... So I reminded her about the 2 appointments she proclaimed OH NO! and rushed off to the bathroom to get ready. It wasn't enough time so I had to cancel the first appointment that was at 11am. She got ready was able to eat and then we left for the 2nd appointment, Echo cardiogram.

GOOD NEWS: her heart is healthy! No calcium deposits, and she doesn't have to worry about cholesterol... Well at least I know she's not gonna have a heart attack any time soon.

When we got out of the Dr.'s office we drove down Wilshire Blvd. to what I thought would be Sizzler but I guess they shut that one down. So I kept Driving and ended up at The Grove on Fairfax. We grabbed some lunch and then made our way home. As we drove down Fairfax we drove through Little Ethiopia, the miracle mile and just headed to her house. As we drove we commented on how much has changed in this area and how it's been years since she's been through this area (side note: we went to the grove last Oct for my b-day dinner). As we were approaching Venice Blvd. she said "Make a Left here and then a Right on Thurman, I want to see the old neighborhood" I couldn't help but wonder, You lived off of Venice and Thurman? She looked at me like I was the crazy one and said "yes, the house on Spaulding, don't you remember when I used to live on Spaulding?" To which I shouted: YOU still live on Spaulding! Where did you think you lived Grandma? She shook her head and didn't know what she was thinking. She had some how confused her house or thought she sold it...

Once we finally got home I set out to clean off the kitchen table, organized her bills and throw out all the crap. She didn't fight me on anything luckily she just let me do it.

More on those findings later

I seriously need help, I am afraid of what happens on days I'm not there. One step at a time.

LOST for words

2011-02-28T18:01:00.000-08:00

After waiting for more than 2 months we finally had a follow up Dr. visit to review the Neuro-Psych results... Forgetfulness do to age progression... basically your getting old and forgetting things. Well that was helpful. Their recommendation, maintain socially and cognitively active. How enlightening!

I can't help but feel frustrated that there is nothing else wrong with her when I've noticed such a huge change in her behavior and memory patterns. Thursday night I made sure to call grandma to let her know what time I would be picking her up friday morning. She remembered the appointment we agreed on a time and because she can never hear me correctly while I'm in my car we hung up. She was a little under the weather, fighting a cold or sorts. Without a second thought I made my call set a time and went to bed. Friday morning I set out on my way to pick her up only to arrive and not be able to get in the house. A key had broken off in the front door and I couldn't get my key in, I went around to the back to see if she was in the kitchen before I called but she wasn't there. I called the house phone only to find her in the bathroom, and suddenly she Remembered, She was supposed to go to the Dr. today. With the combination of rain and cold she was moving pretty slow and managed to put the Dr. appointment out of her mind. I laughed it off for the moment but was still mildly concerned considering we spoke pretty late the night before.

We finally arrived at the Dr.'s office only about 15 minutes late and got called back pretty quickly. Sometimes I wonder how Dr.'s managed to keep all the patients in order and the reasons for certain visits but after other general questions we finally got around her her memory or lack there of. Neuro is basically using this first test as a base line and we should do another one 1 year from now. We spoke a little bit more on this but really got no where so we left, waited another 45 minutes or so for her prescriptions before we made our way home. While we were waiting her sat trying to decide what we would have for lunch, and she also needed to stop for gas. In the time we made that plan and got the meds, got to the car she asked again... "What are we doing?" I reminded her that we would get gas first then find a place to have some soup. We got on the freeway, she asked again, "where are we going?" The intersection going East on the 10 was pretty backed up and as I sat there waiting to make the curve she insisted I was going the wrong way... 10 West is where she thought we were going, but I had to remind her what direction we were coming from and we were going Back in the East direction. I didn't think much of it because she's never really had a great sense of direction but there was a concern should she be in the car alone and loose her way.

As we continued to sit in traffic we made small talk, How's your mom, how's your brother? How's your Mama Chusie? WHAT??!! My heart sank the moment those words left her mouth... Mama Chusie is my mom's grandmother and has not been alive for about 19 years! I think the look of shock on my face said it all because she suddenly remembered that she was gone. I asked her if maybe she was thinking of my Tia Cuca, whom I go to visit in Mexico every couple of years and who was been like a grandmother to me, or maybe Chata, or Chayo, or Kika my Mama Chusie's sisters, she has asked about them before so that would make sense. But she shook her head no, and said she meant her and that she had been on her mind ALOT in the last few days... That was very very weird to me, very scary almost. I've heard that as you are getting closer to your final days you sometimes see people who have past almost in a welcoming manner... I am NOT ok with this. I didn't press any further because I was scared and I probably would not be able to hold back my tears. From there it seemed like it only got worse.

We finally got to the gas station only to discover she didn't have cash because she needed to deposit a check. FYI she deals in cash for everything. So I told her I would take her to the bank, but where would I go? I let her guide me only to discover that the bank wasn't there... It was on the other side of where we already were. To this she says "it feels like we are going in circles" that's because we were! I had to look it up on my phone, which is what I should have done from the beginning but I guess I wanted to see if she could remember... Once we got to the bank and I parked she got out of the car in the blistering cold and asked me "Where are we going now?" and "why do I have to get out of the car?" I looked at her and laughed and reminder her that SHE needed to make a deposit. But she didn't have the account number or her pin number. She then told me "I have everything written done and I bring that paper with me when I'm prepared to go to the bank, I don't even know why I'm here!" Frustration can not even begin to explain what I was feeling at that moment but luckily she had her ATM card and the banker that helped us was very kind and very patient. We made her deposit made some changes to the account and added my name to the account just for good measure. So at least I can feel good about that now and see what she is spending her money on.

We left the bank, went to eat and went home. I was exhausted! and so was she.

I am at a loss for words to explain how this makes me feel, but I know I need to keep a closer eye on her and her day to day functions and keep a positive outlook that this too shall pass. As frustrating as this all is when I retell the stories I can't help but laugh and think this is stuff that would only happen in movies.

Where do we go from Here?

2011-01-25T10:46:00.000-08:00

So the last time I visited with Grandma it was the day after Christmas... I do talk to her on the phone every week just to check in and see how she's progressing. Most times our conversation is the same, How are you? Are you taking all your pills? Yes, you are supposed to be taking that pill. When was the last time to talked to the Dr.? How was Church? and simple things like that so I can see what she remembers and what she's not telling me.

Well this past Saturday I decided to pay Grandma a visit, I had just bought my new car so I thought it was a great time to go and show her the car and visit for a while. I called her Friday night to let her know I'd be over on Saturday, we agreed on a time and left it at that. Sure enough I arrived the NEXT day and she was totally surprised to see me! She hadn't really forgotten I was coming, so much as she forgot it was Saturday. I had caught her at lunch time (3pm) because she had gotten up late and had lunch late. As soon as I walked into the kitchen the table was covered with papers, Mail, magazines, random junk, bills, etc. it was so full I couldn't even find a place to sit. I moved somethings around and found this box...

She DOESN'T have an iPad! Yes she has an iPod but she doesn't ever use it and she already has a dock for it. When I asked her about it she didn't know where it came from or how she came to have it. All very very odd. I let it go for the moment letting her have her lunch and gather her thoughts.

Later we took a drive in my new car to Target because I needed to go anyway and where else would we go? We go to Target she had to go to the bathroom, I walked over to the $1 bins browsed around while I waited for her. She came out couldn't see me but I waved her down, as we started into Target I asked her if there was anything she needed from Target since we were here. She said No then stopped as if to turn around and leave, I had to remind her that we were there because I needed to pick up somethings. She said Oh Right and we walked on. I got what I needed paid and we went to the Starbucks area for a snack. She got a coffee and some popcorn and I had tea and this is when I decided to ask her more questions.

Thinking of her stories!

I asked about the Phone again, the dock, the unnecessary spending all of which she started to give me made up stories... I could tell she was struggling to remember and she was making things up and since my face didn't move she even asked me, "you're not buying any of this are you?" I laughed and said NO. I asked her if she had ever heard of a show called Hoarders, she had not but knew what I was talking about and quickly said "That's not Me!" I said "NOT YET"

When we got home I had a conversation with her tenant about what she has noticed going on with Grandma and she clued me into a couple things that were of concern to her. Apparently the floor heater has not worked in well over 20 years but twice now she has tried to turn it on. And she tried to go to a meeting she goes to every month and had gotten lost. As well as she seems to be having trouble maintaining her bank accounts and paying her bills. She also told me my uncle is now using the phone and is paying the monthly payments.

So my next task: talk to Grandma about her bills and get her reorganized! She's not going to like it...

9 years

2011-01-11T23:25:00.000-08:00

1-12-2011 marks the 9th anniversary of my dad's death.

I'm not entirely sure what to do or say in his memorial, I still can't believe it's been 9 years.

The day he died I had no idea what had happened, it wasn't until the next day that I called my grandma back to find out the tragic news. It was the day my life changed forever. In the last few weeks the topic of after life has come up with my friends. We are mostly all struggling catholics unsure of what we want to believe and what is actually true. I have to believe that there is a place we all go to be reunited with our loved ones because the thought of never saying goodbye to my dad is devastating. So everyday I keep my faith that one day I can see him again.

I also have to have faith in the fact that there is something in this universe that will make everything even. That the man that killed my father is suffering more than my family, in this life and beyond.

My dad was an amazing man, and it is because of him along with the rest of my family that I am this woman. I am strong, loving, kind, forgiving, stubborn, frugal, on time, intelligent, and even a little bit dorky. All of which I would change for any amount of money. I do wish everyday he was here to see me progress and grow but I know I carry him with me in my heart. My heart that gives me the strength to give my grandma all the support she needs right now.

In Loving Memory
Norman Terry Howard
1-12-2002

Merry Christmas!

2011-01-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

This Year we celebrated our annual Howard Family Christmas Dec. 26, 2010

It has been exactly 1 year since Grandma's Knee surgery and overall her Knee is doing great! It's the rest of her that is trying to catch up.

It was also brought to my attention that for many seniors it is a "social" activity to go to the Doctors office, mostly due to the fact that it may be the only way out of the house or the only way to have company. Every time Grandma goes to the Dr. I show up and we spend time together. This may seem like a social outing to them but it is exhausting for me, but I wouldn't trade the time I spent with Grandma this past year for anything else in the world. With out our little adventures I wouldn't have such an exciting blog! :)

Grandma opening presents

Now Back to Christmas! If I remember correctly in my last post we had just come from the Rheumatologist where she was given the steroid prednisone. I can't confirm if she is taking her pills the way she is supposed to or if they are working the way she wants them too but this is Step 1 of what the Dr. is prescribing. This all happened the Wednesday before Christmas and before I left I reminded her that my brother and I would be over on Sunday for our usual Sizzler Christmas dinner. We've always celebrated Christmas the day after because Grandma's never really been big on Holidays especially once my brother and I became teenagers and started getting cash every year.

Christmas Day arrived and once the festivities settled down I gave Grandma a call. We chatted for a bit, I told her about our day and then before we hung up I reminded her again that we would see her tomorrow and we would be having dinner. This was an exceptional year because the 26th fell on a Sunday and Uncle T NEVER leaves the house on a Sunday. She sounded a little surprised but agreed and we hung up.

I didn't bother to call her Sunday before I left given I had just spoken with her the night before but much to my dismay she had "forgotten" we were coming. Or she didn't remember what it was were were gonna do. I arrived about 3:05pm with my brother right behind me and as I was walking up to the door I heard my uncle talking in the house wondering where we were and then heard grandma say "why would anyone else be here" just then I opened the door and she looked really surprised to see me... I said hello and asked her if she remembered we were coming, then she asked me why? I reminded her of our conversation the night before but going to the Sizzler was not in her memory bank... She wasn't ready for us to go out she was dressed for staying home and had completely forgotten what was happening today. The concern here is that we have been doing this for the last probably 12 years. Dec 26 = Sizzler.

Either way she changed and we left for dinner. I did learn my lesson and only gave her things I knew she would use. Picture frames with our pictures in them and scarves, she wears a scarf everyday. We had a pretty good dinner for Sizzler standards and good conversation. However, the topic of her Droid did come up. My uncle is NOT using the phone and he like me has no idea as to why she has the phone. She has to now pay a monthly fee for a device she is NOT using! When we got back from dinner we talked some more and she is quick to dismiss all of our concerns. She says to me "why are you so concerned? It's not your money!" I respond to her, "you are the most frugal person on the planet and the fact that you are willing to just throw away $30 -$60 a month on something you are not using and now say have no intention of using is VERY alarming for me" Her story of course has now changed because she didn't even remember she had the phone it was still in the bag, in the box... DEAD. I also found a Garmin type navigation device that she says was a gift from a friend of hers... SOMETHING ELSE she has no business owning but at least she didn't pay for it. What really blows my mind is that she would rather have in and not use it that give to someone that will. I don't know what to make of that situation, at all!

I need to check in with my uncle to see if she has received her fist phone bill, he had said he would pay to get her out of the contract, something I don't think she was aware of. So the saga continues.

Me, Uncle T & Grandma

Pot Update!

2010-12-16T21:08:00.000-08:00

So Grandma decided she didn't like weed, but honestly I think she ate too much. She went back to the doctor and she put her back on the Oxycodon. I'm not happy about this but I will have to see how she does the next few weeks. I think the first thing she needs to do is realize there is no magic button that will take away the pain but if it were me I wouldn't want to live with it either.

Moral Dilemma...

Let's try something New!

2010-12-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

In my last post I COMPLETELY forgot one very important conversation I had with grandma on the way home from the doctor's office.

How can we control your pain. While we were talking to the Neuro-Psych doctor I discovered that she was again playing with her meds. She's been on some form of narcotic based pain reliever since December of last year to control her pain from Knee Surgery then to control her pain from Arthritis. I have never been uncomfortable with her taking so much of it but the Dr. kept saying it was a low enough dose that she shouldn't have too many side effects. Fast forward to today and I think the drugs may be playing a larger role in her memory loss than we think and that's also a reason why we had the consult with Neuro-Psych.

On the car ride home I casually brought up a few alternatives to the drugs since she felt so strongly about staying away from narcotics but other things like Tylenol don't work as well. I offered her the suggestion of Medical Marijuana! You would have thought I was offering her a crack pipe the way she initially responded but then I broke it down a little for her letting her know what I knew about it. Not ever using it myself my knowledge is very limited but I have heard testimonials from a few people in my circle as well as celebrity's like Montel Williams who suffers from MS. Why Not? Is all I could say. I couldn't imagine that the long term side effects could be any worse than everything else she has tried. She relaxed a little and began listening to the pros of it and decided she would talk it over with her Dr. and go from there.

The next day she spoke to her Dr. and he agreed that it could be something she might get benefits from but given her age and the type of pain she has he was unsure of how successful it would really be. He agreed to send her a prescription and she could give it a try. She received her card about the middle of the week and had her friend take her to a dispensary. She ended up with trial mix and some chocolate mints. I got a call from her on Friday while I was at Disneyland and asked if I could call her back in about 20 min when I was back in my car. She agreed and by the time I called her back she had already forgotten why she had called me to begin with. We chatted for a little while and I noticed she was having a little trouble following the conversation, once I finally figured out she had received her card and what she had done I couldn't help but laugh! She was HIGH! She was trying to work on something for church and trying to talk to me and couldn't do both. She was feeling dizzy and a little floaty is how she described it. I told her I would get off the phone and call her back the next day when she could relax a little more. I hung up and laughed out loud to myself! Early Saturday Morning I got a call from her. She was a little more focused on what she wanted to say and after the events of the night before she had decided that maybe this wasn't the right pain reliever she hoped it would be. She also realized that for the first time in her 83 years she was High. She plans on going back to the Dr. to see how they can best control what she feels. I think she needs to realized that there is no magic pill that is going to make her feel NO pain but there has got to be something that can make her a little more comfortable.

The Quest Continues...

Our Visit to Neuro-Psych.

2010-12-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

Last week Grandma had an appointment with the Neuro-Psych department of UCLA to finally see about what's been going on with her memory.

The fun began one night before when I arrived to spend the night because trying to get from my house to hers then to UCLA by 9am was just gonna be ridiculous. In the previous weeks I had been asking her about a medical packet she would be receiving from the Doctor's office but she had yet to receive anything until I noticed she was filling something out, luckily for her she had Just gotten it according to the lady that lives upstairs. So I didn't have to worry that she had misplaced it and couldn't remember ever receiving it.

I sat down with her to finish filling out the paperwork and was taking notice of the questions they were asking mostly trying to get a family history. I took over writing and began doing a little family digging of my own. I discovered that my Great-Grandfather was 20 years old than my Great-Grandmother, and he died when my grandma was 11. My Great Grandmother later married a different man and that is when they moved to Brooklyn, NY from Newbern, NC. According to her memory her father was shot, but she said he was 75 when he died so I'm unsure of those details. It also asked about her siblings, she had a brother who apparently was shot at a young age but she couldn't remember how long ago that was. I'm thinking he was also in his 40's. When we got down to her children I was able to fill that in on my own. Oldest son deceased at 46 and younger son living at age 53. Then I made a very disturbing correlation; father, brother, son all dead from a violent crime... I need to do some further investigating on this. I was able to get dates of birth for her Father and Brother so I'm curious to see what the death certificates say. Plus There is a whole side of the family that I have never met.

Wednesday morning arrived all too quickly but we made it just in time. We met with one of the Psych residents who interviewed both of us to elaborate on why we were here and what our concerns were. She was very nice and took extensive notes and then set me away and gave grandma a series of cognitive and memory tests, of which we will not see results for about 1 month. Great! After about an hour and a half of me wandering around the Westwood area she finally emerged in great spirits and was very proud of herself for doing so well in all the testing. She said the Dr. told her for a woman of her age she did pretty well. So we anxiously await what their findings will be and how we should proceed.

On our way home she told me about her tests, reading comprehension, memorization, numbers etc. all of which she couldn't remember enough of to tell me... but I guess that's how everyone feels after taking a long test. So time will tell us soon enough.

Now to back track for a minute and to find the humor in all of this. Earlier that morning while we were driving she saw a billboard that read: Droid Does Apps. She asked me what that meant so I briefly explained showing her my phone. She then said, "I have one of those" I was so confused by what I heard I didn't even know what to ask. She said my uncle had it and he was gonna show her how to use it later... NOW I'm not saying he can't figure it out but the man doesn't even have a computer or email so how they plan to use the phone is beyond me. I left the topic alone because I was pulling into the parking structure. Once we got back home the lady that lives upstairs was cooking in the kitchen and so we spoke briefly and she reminded me of the phone conversation from that morning. So I now awake asked, WHY do you have this phone. She responded "because it has some things that interest me" curious as to what that could possibly be I asked her to elaborate. She shooed me away telling me not to worry about it. I just thought it was hilarious and couldn't wrap my head around what she could use this phone for. I explained to her why I have my phone and hers was very similar, so WHY/WHAT did she plan on doing with it, especially since she has no intention of getting rid of her other very old and basic pay as you go phone. I explained to her that this is gonna be the iPod all over again! Another electronic device that is just sitting in the house collecting dust, but this one comes with a monthly payment. Her reason: Best Buy had a SALE!

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with this woman!

The saga continues...

Conspiracies

2010-11-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

It's been a few weeks since I've gone out to visit with Grandma. But I have been in contact with both her and my uncle. Sometimes family can be very overwhelming.

It's no secret that my Uncle enjoys the company of Beer and Wine on the weekends but some weekends his little friends play mind tricks on him. When you are an 83 year old woman it becomes very easy to quickly ignore and disregard the antics of a drunk. The only downside to this is that as the "next of Kin" I am blessed with random phone calls causing me to become the mediator for both of them.

This all began around the middle of October. Something I was completely unaware of, but soon was thrust right in the middle of it all. As it turns out Grandma needed to replace her fence dividing her property and the neighbors. Because she is a get it done type of woman she took care of it. This is not where the issue is. The Issue is that the fence then needed to be painted, and grandma thought it would be a great idea to pay her "tenant/friend" to do it since she is currently in between jobs. This seems logical to me until I learned the cost was $300 and that said tenant is not paying rent. Of course this is not a conversation to be had over the phone so I waited.

Then a couple weeks ago I got another frantic call... to spare the details I decided to make a trip out to see the family and figure everything out. Friday She had an appointment with the podiatrist so I would take care of everything all at once. Needless to say the Dr. visit was basically a less glamorous pedicure and the next time I go get one I will be taking Grandma so see if we can't relive some of this foot pain. After leaving UCLA we headed over to Subway for a quick lunch before she went to the beauty salon.

Once we had ordered our sandwiches and were seated I shuffled around trying to find the right words I needed to express. I finally began by saying a few things have been brought to my attention recently and I felt them important enough to discuss with her. She was a little surprised by the seriousness of my tone but listened to what I had to say. Once I began with the issue of the fence and lack of rent she became a little defensive, understandably. I calmed her by saying I knew exactly why she had done it that way but was also concerned that the price of $300 was a little steep for someone who doesn't regularly contribute to the household. She shot back at me with "if I needed it I would have asked her for it" but this is not the point at all. I do think the idea that this woman is trying to steal money from my grandma is ludicrous however, I did need her to understand my concerns. Any one given the opportunity will try to scam you for money even if it's not malicious. I am not currently in charge of my grandma's finances and she has made it very clear she will do as she see fit with her money, and I have been the recipient of assistance over the last few months since loosing my job last year, but I am family. I further addressed her relationship with my uncle because although he may be hard to live with sometimes his concerns come from a place of love. We also discussed her attitude of him when he does walk in on some nights intolerable. I asked her to try something "different" because if ignoring him isn't working it's time to turn the other cheek, and being the mediator between a 53 yr old and an 83 yr old is not the most exciting place to be for me and this conversation was one of the most unpleasant I'd ever had with her. And this isn't exactly how I liked to start my weekends.

I could tell she was really hearing what I was saying but was still being a little stubborn as to how she would interact with my uncle but at least I was able to open up the conversation. We have a way of just sweeping things under the rug and never addressing them. That is almost the exact reason why I created this blog, it's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger versus your own family.

Only time will tell how things transpire from here on out but I will be watching a little more closely her dealings with people so others know she is not just an old woman who lives alone.

Awareness

2010-09-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

How do you deal with Forgetfulness?

Since my last update it seems as though Grandma forgets more and more each time I speak with her. I'm not worried that she has Alzheimer's or anything like that but how can I help her, if I don't spend every moment with her?

A couple of weeks ago the family got together for my brother's and Uncle's birthdays. We of course went to "THE SIZZLER" you'd heard of that place right? We were supposed to meet on Sept. 11 but I got a call from them a few days before to reschedule. I was at Disneyland and in the middle of a show and couldn't just pick up my phone but I told myself I would call her right back when we got out of the show. They called me 3 more times... This made my heart skip a beat and I became anxious for the show to end to I could call back. about 5 min later I finally walked out found my cousins and called her back and she just couldn't tell if that was my phone number because I took my voice off the voicemail greeting. She couldn't remember what we were doing on the 11th!!!! Once I reminded her we set a new date and time for us to get together for that following Saturday and have an early dinner.

Later that next week I get a call, Grandma is calling again. What are we doing on Saturday? It was my impression she had written all this down the last time we spoke. So I started reminding her gently. I said "we" would be there about 1pm and she asked me who's we? This caught me off guard because the whole point of this was to see my brother... Of Course she remembers, once you remind her but she just can't recall it on her own...

We had a great time at dinner and she is doing great!

Now, fast forward to yesterday. I gave grandma a call just to check in. Asked her the usual questions, How are you? how you feeling? how was church? what's new? She is doing GREAT, but then she asks me what I'm doing. I was driving at the time on my way to a business dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We then proceeded with some other conversation but she asked me 3 different times, Are you going home? What are you doing? Are you going to the gym? All after I had already told her I was on the freeway on my way to a business dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. After each time she laughs because she knows that's what I'm doing but she just can't keep it in her mind. She tells me Mis I'm getting Old...

She is an active woman, she writes things down (most of the time) she reads. How do I help her??

Random Grandma Updates!

2010-09-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

Since my last post Grandma has been back to the Dr. tasted In N Out, and learned how to add and remove rows in Word. She has also managed to replace the iPod & dock AGAIN!!!

First, last friday we went back to UCLA for her 6 weeks follow up. Everything with her health is good. Blood Pressure is stable, pain is manageable and she's over all in good spirits. She did ask the doctor about her other knee that has now been giving her some pain, but nothing is going to happen with that for the time being. The second thing she asked was about the problems she's been having with her memory. So the Dr. began asking her a series of questions to gather a little more information once I also expressed concerns about what she was forgetting. She scored 27 out of 30 points so not enough to be worried about Alzheimer's but still something to keep an eye on. The questions she missed were 1. Do you know the date today? she did not. 2. What month is it? she didn't know until later. 3. she was told 3 words to remember and recall them later which she could only recall 1. The doctor said she is still learning but she just needs help recalling things and as long as she keeps active and writing things down she should be OK.

Once we left the Medical Center I had already planned what we would be having for lunch. In N Out!!! She's never had it and there is one in Westwood, Perfect! Well I should have remembered that UCLA has no parking and it gets very congested in the area but at 2pm I didn't think we would have an issue. I was Wrong! I was able to find parking at the gas station across the street left her in the car ran across the street place our order and then we ate in the car. I ordered her a Cheeseburger combo with a strawberry shake and I got my usual double double protein style with a chocolate shake and shared her fires. Her very first bite she was impressed! The first thing she said was "this is good". I laughed and watched her take another bite and she was really enjoying it especially the shake. I began telling her about In N Out and why it was so special and all about the University and the secret menu. She was looking at me as though I was speaking a foreign language. It was pretty funny.

Before the first bite.

First bite!!

Once we got home from our little adventure I walked into the Kitchen only to realize that the radio was different! WTH?! The first thing I said was "what is this?" to which she replied "it's a radio" Well now, at least she still has her sense of humor... I asked her why she changed it again? To which her responds was because she could... Now the iPod with Dock is sitting in her office, probably never going to be used. Last time I listen to her when she says she wants something.

Now grandma is very active in church, in her community and with her "career" she is still the secretary of the board of Friends of School Mental Health. She was in charge of updating the donation list but she couldn't remember how to add or remove the names on the list. So Monday and Tuesday I got a call from her asking for help. She was doing this in WORD. So I think the next time I spend the day there I will teach her how to use Excel. Even so at 83 she is very active on her computer. I'm impressed!

Let's have McDonalds

2010-08-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

First off I just want to start out by saying McDonald's is not a horrible place, I have just made a decision NOT to give myself the option when I know there is probably something "better" or more satisfying.

About 2 weeks ago while visiting my Grandma just for fun, because there were no Doctor's appointments and we had cleaned her closet the topic of "lunch" came up. "Are you hungry?" she asked me. I was, mostly because I always am... but it was getting a little late. She asked "Where would you like to eat?" I thought we would eat at home but let the record show Grandma doesn't cook, EVER.

Well my first reaction was to pull out my phone to search for a restaurant or other eatery. Then the Bombshell of the day was dropped. She says to me, "Well I can have McDonald's, but I'm not picky like Someone..." this of course is referring to ME. I immediately burst into laughter because this conversation was making it's rounds again.

I ONLY have McDonald's about once maybe twice a year at it's usually in an emergency. Once I became an adult I became health conscious and discovered more exciting foods and McDonald's just fell off my radar. I do however enjoy an order of McDonald's fries, but really who doesn't?

Now the reason this conversation is so hilarious to me is that I think my grandma and I have had this conversation/debate at least 3 other times and still she thinks I'm being a snob because I refuse to have McDonald's for lunch on a random Wednesday afternoon, when there are places like Subway, El Pollo Loco, Rubios or anything else. We eventually decided on subway but not before a long discussion as to WHY I DON'T EAT MCDONALD'S.

I am by no means being a snob because when it comes to fast food I am all about it. I LOVE El Pollo Loco, Especially the dollar menu! But there is not one on every corner. So I in turn asked my grandma "are you in a hurry? because last I checked we had ALL DAY so why not enjoy a warm, satisfying lunch. There are plenty of places we could go eat inexpensively and still have it taste good!"

She thinks this is funny and I have a feeling this McDonald's debate will rear it's ugly head again soon. But if a hamburger is what you want then In N Out is the place to go for that! and I don't think she has EVER had one of those!! So Maybe we'll eat there next time we are in Westwood.

The Closet!

2010-07-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

Last week I made my grandma a Deal she couldn't refuse!

Since we have NO doctor's appointments for 6 weeks I thought it would be fun to start shifting through her closet and her room then on to the rest of the house. This is not something she has been excited about but she has recognized that it is necessary. So after her last appointment 2 weeks ago, I told her I would come over we would start on her room and then I would make her a nice casserole for the week since I would be gone for a work conference and I wanted to make sure she had fresh food to eat. She was thrilled with that idea. I have the ONLY grandma in the world I think who does not enjoy cooking and Never has!

Well last thursday was D-Day! I arrived at her house in complete cleaning mode. But she was on a mission to distract me. She had decided she wanted to go to Target and to Ralphs to buy food for dinner. I agreed but said as soon as we got back we would start on her room... she laughed and then rolled her eyes.

We went to run her errands and had a few good laughs then made our way back home. As soon as we arrived and unloaded everything she decided she was hungry so she was going to fix herself something to eat. I calmly sat down at the table and waited for her to finish, gently reminding her we were still going to go into that closet! I don't think I've heard her laugh so hard Ever!

this is her reading the mail and having her lunch pretending I'm not talking

About an hour later I was finally able to convince her that it was time and I didn't drive all that way just to watch her eat! We finally made our way to the bedroom and opened the closet doors! It actually wasn't as bad as I initially thought. Turns out the only reason why she bought that rack to hang clothes on was because it was unorganized and hard to get to. So we started. Now remember she has lost about 20lbs if not more over the last 7 months and she is no longer a working woman. She hasn't worn a skirt in YEARS, I'm talking at least 10 maybe 15.

at about half way done.

I began with the simple things just bunching things together, T-shirts, blouses, jackets, and pants. In the 2nd closet we place all her vests and winter jackets. She fought me for the first few minutes so I decided to go back to each group and count the items then choose at least 5 to get rid of. Even then it seemed like I was asking her to give up her most prized possessions. Remember also, SHE'S LOST WEIGHT. Half of what's in her closet doesn't even fit her anymore, and what's funnier and odd to me is that she can't let it go because she may need it one day.

Finally, about an hour and half later we were done and we got a full bags worth of clothes to donate and and at least 2 boxes. She was able to breathe a sigh of relief and so was I. I kept my word and I made her a nice big Chicken and Broccoli Casserole which she is still eating up through yesterday.

Yummy Casserole!

On till our next adventure!

No more Doctors... for awhile

2010-07-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting last few weeks... months. I have never been to so many doctor's offices and I never knew all that getting old was so much work!

Last week we started out with 3 Doctor appointments, but by Monday I was able to reasonably talk her out of the 2nd one. We started on Tuesday with Dr. Park the Orthopedic Surgeon for her toe. The Stitches were finally able to come off! When we arrived and took a seat in the waiting room we were immediately greeted by the Doctor because he had a 2nd woman with the SAME problem! (FYI: Take care of your toes or you'll loose them) This woman looked a little older than my grandma but they were around the same age i'm assuming, but she was incredibly nervous about loosing her toe. So Dr. Park asked if we would give her a testimonial. Grandma was thrilled with the whole thing of course because she's been out of pain since the surgery. We sat with this woman and her daughter breaking down step by step how she been since the surgery and how we opted to ever consider it. I think we were able to convince her to go ahead with it and she would feel better for it in the end. But from what I could see on her feet she needed more than just the little toe removed. In the end they were happy to have heard and witnessed my grandma's story and they left. Dr. Park came in and we were out in about 10 more minutes once the stitches were removed! It had healed Beautifully!!!

Take care of your feet people!!

Now thank goodness I was able to talk some sense into my grandma because this next appointment would have been a complete waste of time and gas! She has begun to notice a type of "air bubble" or "gap" in between her nail and the nail bed on her left hand. The only problem was she wanted to go see another Orthopedic surgeon for this... and I believed it to be not that serious, and something that could have easily be looked at by any of the other 2 doctors we were already visiting. It took about a day but she did finally come to her senses! We Asked Dr. Park but of course she was not satisfied with his response... because he specializes in FEET!

The 3rd appointment for the week was Dr. Davis her geriatric doctor she sees every 2 months. While at this appointment we discovered several things, #1 she's lost just over 20 lbs in the last 6 months!! 10 of those pounds in the last 2. Now I learned that she also still thinks she's 5'4... but well I'm 5'1ish and she is now shorter than me. A fact she is VERY uncomfortable with. Now to give a small back story on the way my grandma's brain works is that she was once a PE Major and also studied modern dance in college and maintained a pretty active lifestyle up until her 80th or so birthday. So to compensate for the lack of movement she has adjusted her eating habits (pretty smart right). Well in the last year she has cut her meals in half! When she was already eating HALF of what a normal proportion would look like. So forget taking her out to eat, those plates will last her for 3 meals 4 if she's really pushing it. Now this has always been amazing to me but it makes total sense and if more of us did this we would be struggling with the "Battle of the Bulge"! Nevertheless, I think it's too much weight to be lost in such a short period of time and Dr. Davis agrees but there seems to be no obvious medical reason for the weight loss. He ran a few labs just to be safe and we will see him in 6 weeks.

So all in all she's back to her Old Self again with a clean bill of health. By the Way, We asked Dr. Davis about her nails also and he told her almost the same thing Dr. Park told her only this time it was a satisfactory response for her... Go Figure! So she's happy with that for now, she's not loosing her nails.

On the way home after leaving UCLA I realized there were no more weekly Doctor appointments and this would now free up time to start filtering through her closets! She was NOT excited about this at all! This has been an on going battle since I brought her home from the hospital in January. She's a Pack Rat! Slowly though we will be rid of the boxes of clothes she has stored in her closet from the last 10 years. What she doesn't know is that I've secretly been throwing out all the other random paper work and magazines she's piled up around the house over the last few months. She is slowly coming around so stay tuned for this EPIC BATTLE!

Chuka the Dog

2010-07-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Grandma's to drive her to get her dressings off her foot and take a look her "toe" or lack of toe...

I picked her up from the beauty salon (an every Friday ritual) then headed out to Torrance to see how she was healing. In my last few phone conversations with her throughout the week she had never sounded better. The constant pain that was her toe was gone! Now I have to watch her for Memory Loss. When is it just forgetfulness and when do I get worried about it?

While on our way to the Doctor's office we began our general chatter, catching up on my weeks activities and just having a good time. Today I remembered our conversation from Thursday night, she mentioned taking "Chuka" (my Dad's dog) somewhere, but we were trying to created a plan for pick up today that she never elaborated. When I asked her today where she took "Chuka" she told me that she took her to the Vet and had to put her down. I was Shocked! I guess I was not ready to hear this news and the way she told me caught me off guard. Here is Chuka's story...

I'm not entirely sure when my dad found her or how old she is exactly but I'm estimating she was about 11 - 12 years old. She was a Pit Bull mix and very skiddish. My dad found her I would say between 2000 and 2001 after being hit by a car. He nursed her back to health and she was his companion. As far as I know she is "Chuka #2 maybe #3, and if your wondering what a "Chucka" is... well it apparently means "Dirty Dog" in Spanish. This is the first I've ever heard of it but OK. I also have NO idea why he named up to 3 dogs the same name. I'm not even sure that's how you even spell it but there it is!

Whenever my brother and I would go over we would play with her and she was a really good dog. On the day my dad died, Chuka was there. I want to say she tried to protect him but was unable too. I also believe that she went into a type of doggy depression for a long time after that. She was never the same.

From that day forward she became my grandma's dog. I really think she fed the dog "gourmet" meals. Leftovers from breakfast mixed in with her dog food, with milk and warmed in the microwave. I was amazed at how well this dog ate. Now over the years Chuka's activities slowed because there was no one really around to pay much attention to her the way my dad did, but she was still very protective of the house and all of us in it.

In December When I began visiting my grandma on a regular basis I began to notice her physical changes. There seemed to be a tumor or cyst or something growing from her belly. She also had a few growths on her neck and head. I did bring this up to my grandma but she seemed to be unfazed by the whole thing. "Saying she's just a dog" and as long as she was able to get around and was eating she would be fine. We had this conversation again last week right after her surgery because I had noticed the dog limping a little more and she just had pain written all over her face. I knew my grandma wasn't gonna spend thousands of dollars to take the dog to the vet (that is just not practical) but I did mention maybe thinking about putting her down soon, she seemed to be suffering too much. I did not expect that it would be so quickly. But I guess one of the tumors burst and she had begun to bleed, so grandma and my uncle drove her down to the vet for a look. Turns out the tumors were cancerous and it would be $5000 to operate and treatment with no guarantee of a full recovery. So she decided it was time for Chuka to meet my dad again. This is truly a Marley and Me moment, and I was sitting in the car tearing up all over again. Loosing her was a little bit like loosing my dad again. When we got home and she wasn't there I was sad, about a dog again...

On the brighter side, grandma has also begun to purge some of the clothes in her closet and that made this whole day worth while! This is definitely a To Be Continued story!

We'll Miss you Chuka!

Toe Amputation, Part 2

2010-06-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the BIG day. We said goodbye to my grandma's pinky toe for good.

She is not diabetic but she is severely arthritic and I guess life has just taken it's course and the toe decided to move underneath the rest of her toes. It's hard to imagine at first but if you sit with you right leg out in front of you and then look at your pinky toe imagine it sliding under your other toes and you were constantly walking on it and the pain from your shoes was unbearable. Well that's what happened here. After several months of going back and forth to different podiatrists and orthopedics we finally were referred to one that suggested total amputation. Dr. Park made this as a last suggestion because the first option was to break the toes and replace them, this procedure would have months of recovery time and physical therapy and didn't guarantee that the toes wouldn't move again. So we opted to just take the thing off.

In my last post I discussed all the pre-op appointments which leads me to yesterday's excitement. I got a call on Wednesday afternoon from my grandma (while at Disneyland) saying there was a problem at the doctors office. It was hard to understand what she was talking about with all the noise so I managed to find a semi-quiet spot in the park to call the doctor's secretary. She explained that UCLA had not run the proper labs and they needed a current chest xray as well. This would require us getting out to Torrance by 8:00 am. Well I'll admit this was not exciting news when I'm sitting in the middle of Disneyland expecting to watch the fireworks and not leave the park till well after 10:00 pm and to top if off I would be commuting from Santa Ana. Nevertheless, I confirmed the appointment with the lady and went about my day.

I left Santa Ana at 6:30 am to pick up my grandma by 7:30 ish... then by luck of something we actually made it to Torrance Memorial by about 8:20. We went in for the blood work and chest x-rays and everything was going pretty well. Now of course this day (or blog) would not be complete with out some type of shenanigan from my lovely grandmother. As we were walking out of the hospital to head over to the surgery center she asked me if I remembered what Dr. Park looked like, I nodded my head and said "a little". Her follow up to this was based on a conversation that she had with the xray tech. When she was telling him about her surgery and he asked who the doctor was and when she said Dr. Park his response was "oh yeah, he's Asian right?" To which for what ever strange reason she responded "No." So when she asked me (while walking through a crowded waiting area) if Dr. Park was Asian and I said yes, she was AMAZED! She had completely forgotten what he looked like. I laughed and we made our way to the car and we drove on to our next stop.

Now it was after 10 am by this time and I was Starving and she was unable to eat until after the surgery. She said I could stop at Starbucks and eat something and she would just wait in the car so she wouldn't smell the good flavors, and she was happy reading her book. By the time I got done in Starbucks and we were heading to the surgery center she asked me again, are you sure he's Asian? I had already forgotten our earlier conversation. I told her I just vaguely remembered his face but I was pretty sure he was Asian, she shook her head in disbelief again and we arrived at the center.

We walked in and as I was checking her in she asked the lady at the front desk if she could ask her a "weird" question I looked at her wondering what in the world she could be asking NOT prepared for what was about to happen! She asked the nurse if Dr. Park was Asian!!! I just about died. She laughed and said yes he was Asian. I just couldn't understand why she was fixated on this at all! luckily the nurse just laughed it off, but I think it sounds worse than she actually meant it. Sure enough through all her prep time in the back Dr. Park finally walked in and she got a clear picture of what he actually looked like, and I wish I could have recorded her reaction to seeing him or at least taken his picture.

The surgery went very well and in about an hour and a half she was toe free. When I walked into see her she was still drowsy from the anaesthesia but was completely fixated on eating because it had been SO long since her last meal. Earlier while being prepped for surgery the nurses were asking her a series of questions one being when was the last time you ate anything (normal answer would probably have been 7 or 8 pm the night before) she answered 4:00 am! Why?? Because that was 8 hours before the scheduled time. She had set herself up to get up and eat something so it wouldn't be too long before the surgery. The nurses all laughed including the guy working on the AC in the room. They even had to stop and ask her what she ate at that time of morning (left over burrito). *CLASSIC*

Moving forward again, after about half an hour from when I was allowed to see her we could finally get her home and Oh Boy was she hungry. The nurses gave her graham crackers and juice but wanted her to really take it easy and not eat anything too heavy or rich do to the fact that the anaesthesia could make you nauseous. While on the way home she was already planning what she wanted to eat and I had to reminder that it wasn't time to get creative with food she had to just keep it simple. She nodded and then without pause she said "can you believe Dr. Park is Asian?" I burst into laughter because here we were having this conversation AGAIN! I think what was happening is that she is slowly loosing her memory or memories of certain things and she doesn't know how to handle it. so something like this has rocked her world. She did bring it up again later in the evening and just laughed at the fact that she had neglected to remember what someone looked like.

By bed time she was feeling a little more "normal" pain wise and the anaesthesia had worn off. But the discussions (fights) we had in between will lead me to additional posts about: My grandma the pack rat! and My grandma cooks everything in the microwave!

Toe Amputation, Part 1

2010-06-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not entirely sure when it started but since Dec-Jan. we noticed one of her toes had begun crossing under the rest of her toes causing her a great deal of pain because she has been walking on the toe. So we finally found a doctor willing to take it off.

The fun started at 10am this morning when I picked her up for her Pre-Op appointment. Because I'm driving and even though I've been to UCLA medical center about 1000 times since December she still always tells me how to get there and that I'm in the wrong lane. Once we arrive, park and sign in we wait... In the waiting room she pulls out her book (romance novel) and I pull out my phone. She asked me "are you texting?" To which I responded, "No, I'm tweeting!" she nods her head and about a minute later she asks "what's tweeting?" I went into a brief explanation about twitter and facebook and how people can do it from their phones. She just shook her head and said "I just don't understand all these gadgets!" and laughed.

Once in the Doctors office this is when my memory kicks in and I suddenly become the parent. I know what meds she's on, what the previous doctors have said and what happens next, and she just nods and remembers some back story about how she was a PE major in undergrad, and completely believes in exercise... to which she does nothing about now... but once her pain is gone that SHOULD change. We'll see.

We went from UCLA to Torrance to confirm the surgery and she was so excited to finally meet the secretary who was very patient with her on the phone because she has been struggling with her memory as of late. To her credit she is 83... She gave the lady a hug before we left because she was so excited and she was very happy to give her one.

*Side note: while leaving UCLA and seeing a girl in platform heels she commented on how never in her life had she ever worn shoes like that and didn't like them because they looked dangerous... she asked me what I thought, I said "depends on what kind of danger you want to get into" She was pretty amused.

For lunch we went to the Elephant Bar because she had a $10 gift card! I'll have to get into how slow and how little she eats in a different post because that in itself is hilarious. We started with sweet potato fries, I got a Ahi Tuna Bowl, she got the Asian Chicken Salad... 1/2 of which she most likely had for dinner later. After stating she was too full to finish her salad the waitress brought over the dessert menu... I've never seen her get SO excited. It was hilarious to watch. She instantly opted for the Mini Chocolate Brownie and luckily for me it had peanuts so I could resist. She basically told me "well I LOVE NUTS" and more for her. LOL She was so excited to eat it she actually did a happy dance (one I do too) I couldn't help but laugh. Somewhere between the main course and dessert she notice a male waiter who she called a "hustler" because he walked so fast and always in a hurry, then she said "and he's cute too" when I burst into laughter she shrugged her shoulders and said very matter of fact "I can appreciate men still, I'm not dead, but I'm not trying to rob the cradle either" We managed to make our way out of the restaurant without much more of a scene and made our way to Target where we were gonna buy her a replacement ipod dock, this time with a radio. We finally found one she could use and she even agreed to let me reset all the radios again and start using the ipod.

We got home and I set everything up, set her 2 stations and loaded her ipod. about 1 hour later tested her on how to operate the new machines and so far so good! We'll have to see if it sticks by Thursday!!

Here's what we ended up with!

Thursday the toe comes off! Wish us luck!! :)

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

January 12, 2002 is the day all our lives changed.

This is the day my Dad was robbed of his life and this is the day that we all base our present on.

In April of that year my grandma turned 75, and because we had all had a rough few months I decided to throw her a surprise birthday party. It was a great turn out I even managed to gather all her old friends that she hadn't seen in at least 10 years. I think this party was something we all needed to start filling the void of my dad not being around.

Now my grandma is a very strong willed woman and I have NEVER seen her cry, even on that day, but today 8 years later she will attribute much of her pain and deterioration to the loss of my dad. She will say I was fine until I turn 75 then all her problems started but only once have I ever heard her say "because that's when my son died".

As the oldest child it was my responsibility to sign all the paperwork for my dad's final resting place and this experience also let me know that when the time came for my grandma to meet my dad that responsibility would also be mine and I've spent the last 8 years accepting and fearing that day. However, never in the last 8 year have I felt as close to my Grandma as I have in these last 7 months. I have gotten to know her as more than just a grandmother but as a real person with real pain and a whole life before I was born. Every time I spend a day with her she says to me that My brother and I are the best things he could have ever left her and she is so happy she has us in place of my dad. My favorite day's are always days when we just start talking about him and we can remember all the adventures and laughs we used to share. Of course now because her age has caught up with her and she can't get around as well as she used to all we can do is remember.

So being that today is Father's Day I thought I would remember some of the days I shared with my dad here because with out him I wouldn't have a grandma to tell funny stories about.

My first memory of my dad happened when I was 5 years old (although there is constant debate that I was 4) but my appendix burst and I had to be rushed to the hospital. I had to undergo emergency surgery and spent 1 week in the hospital. I thought this was Awesome! My mom and grandparents took turns staying with me and most of the neighborhood came to visit me but what I remember the most is when my dad came to see me. I'm sure seeing his little girl lying in a hospital bed with tubes hanging all around me was difficult but he made me feel so much better. After spending a few hours with me and noticing that I hadn't eaten my food he left and came back a short time later with a bag of Jack in the Box stuffed into his jacket. I could have not been happier!! I don't remember much after that but having to have my stitches taken out about a week later and my dad telling me to stay strong and not to show the doctor it hurt and with that I kicked the doctor right in the stomach! OPPS... I don't think that's what he meant.

As a teenager my dad and I were very close we could talk for hours on the phone and I knew I could ask him anything and he would somehow come up with answer. Those are what I would call "Dad Questions". Things like Why are you upside down on the back side of the spoon or why do I have to learn this again? He taught me how to drive, he taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels and he taught me that the Dallas Cowboys are the greatest team in the NFL! (sometimes)

I was 19 when my Dad was taken from me and even with all the great memories I have of him there is so much I wish I could share with him, my wedding, my children, the start of my own business. I just hope that he really is watching over me everyday and he is proud of the woman I've become Because HE was my DAD.

Happy Father's Day Daddy, I Love you... More!

Norman "Terry" Howard

Oct. 11, 1955 - Jan. 12, 2002

Grandma wants an iPod!!

2010-06-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

Yes you read that correctly, My grandma wanted an iPod for her last birthday. This past April my Grandma decided she want one of those devices that played all the music on the radio whenever she wanted.

This is how the story goes:

Sometime in March about a month before my Grandma's 83rd B-day I got a phone call from her. Now I see her about once a week and she only calls me to schedule a Dr.'s appointment or to invite me somewhere. This call was different, she had been thinking... about her birthday! So naturally I was intrigued because by this time I've discovered that my Grandma is a pack rat and the idea of what to get her for her b-day was difficult.

So she began the conversation saying she was sitting at her kitchen table the other day and she was really enjoying the music playing on the radio (The Wave) and wouldn't it be nice if she could listen to that song anytime she wanted... I sat in my chair listening in disbelief, could she possibly be talking about an iPod??? So I asked her "are you telling me you want an iPod?" to which she responded is that what they are called? Naturally I burst into laughter at the idea, but that's what she wanted.

Over the next few weeks I wanted to confirm that this is indeed what she wanted, I showed her mine, along with the earphones. We even went to Target & I took her over to the electronics department and pointed out all the different colors and docking systems. She was still very certain this is what she wanted. My next assignment was getting my brother and uncle to help me pay for it.

I went to Costco found a black one for her and asked my brother and his mom to buy her a nice dock so she could listen with out earphones. Everything was perfect!

April 8th came and that Saturday we all took her to BJ's for a nice birthday dinner and to give her the amazing gift she had asked for. She was SO excited when she opened it! We immediately showed her how to use it and I had already loaded it with 691 songs she would hear on her favorite station. How perfect could this be. Now all I had to do was take the gift card to Best Buy and get her the dock. easy enough, right?

Well fast forward about a month and a half later and I finally found a nice one, small and pretty good sound. So one day after we went to the doctor I dropped her off at the Beauty Salon and went to the house to clean up and set it all up for her. I moved the kitchen radio to her bedroom, the bedroom radio to the closet and everything was great! I picked her up and showed her all i had done and how to work the iPod on the dock. She was excited and was enjoying the collection of music. THEN...

less than one week later I went over to pick her up for another doctor's appointment as I walked into the kitchen there it was!!!! The old kitchen radio was back in the kitchen and the old boom box was back in her bedroom! WHAT!? How could this be? Turns out the very next day she went to her radio and just couldn't figure out what she wanted it to do... She listens to the news in the morning and music in the afternoon and what I had done was not working for her. So now her iPod and the dock are neatly stacked on her kitchen table NOT being used. :(

These are the wonderful words of wisdom she gave me when I asked her about it, "Well I said it would make a good gift for me, I never said I would use it!"

Stay Tuned...